Never give up

📖 Note: This post is from the archives. It may reflect outdated views or a previous name. It explores sensitive subjects and includes a CW for depression, mental health, and suicide.

Statistics have shown that depression and mental illness is plaguing our youth. I am writing this article because I would like to speak up about my own personal experiences and why you will make it. I remember being emotionally charged with frustration and discouraging thoughts. I was mentally stonewalled, lacking any ability to think rationally about my future. I was ready to drop — I couldn’t handle the pressure that felt like a high-rise on my shoulders.

I can clearly remember a direction changing experience that I encountered in January 2014. It was starting to get ridiculously difficult to continue because I was being bullied at school and ridiculed at home. One evening, after my father went to work and my mother went to sleep — I decided to take a walk into town. I made my way to an overpass in the midst of the city, positioned over a highway. I walked over to the middle of the pass and stood on the sidewalk with vehicles roaring underneath me. I remember feeling the wind flow through my hair and the raindrops under my fingertips. I was so calm, too calm. It almost didn’t feel real.

My moment of serenity was interrupted by a group of early rising teenagers who yelled “Oh hey! There’s Bxmxy”, mocking and laughing at me while they walked off of the bridge. I was pulled towards the maintenance platform, like there was a rope around my torso. My entire life was flashing before my eyes and my life was in my hands.

I wanted to believe that my situation would improve; that I was loved; that there was someone waiting for me, but I couldn’t materialize those dreams. I was ready to die because I was tired of being thrown around and yelled at for no reason. I knew that I wasn’t perfect, but I could not think of any reasons to make my situation okay. I was standing on the edge of the maintenance platform, one step would take all of the pain away. My brain was screaming no, but my heart was shrieking yes. I started to feel my heels lifting off the ground, weight shifting forward. I was going. I was completely free-falling, when someone from behind grabbed my jacket at the last second. My entire body was limp when he dragged me over the railing. I remember the man muttering, “You’re too young to die, it will get better”, when I was laying on the pavement.

I never received the opportunity to thank the man, but I am grateful that he was walking his dog. I doubt this man left his house thinking he was going to save a life, but I am sure he was happy he did. After this experience, I started to take initiative in my life, changing everything I didn’t like. I moved out of my parents’ house, left school and have started to pursue the path I was meant to be on. I want everyone who is in a similar situation or who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression or mental illnesses to aspire to be resilient.

There is no-one else exactly like you — so don’t deprive the world of the chance to know you. You are you. Embrace it. Don’t let bullies at school bring you down or parents deride your ambitions.

Stay strong.